The Hail Mary - Week 16

I'm back from another hiatus, just in time for Christmas!!! With just two weeks remaining in the season, only one of the eight divisions have been clinched. There is a lot to sort out with the playoffs just two weeks away.

Week 16 - Thursday, December 23

Carolina (2-12) at Pittsburgh (10-4), Pittsburgh favored by 14 1/2

Pretty awful Thursday night game. The Steelers can earn a First Round bye in the playoffs if they win out. They will be without S Troy Polomalu in this which usually spells doom for the Steelers. However, the Panthers are so bad that it should mean very little. QB Jimmy Clausen has just 2 TDs this season! I'm shocked Steve Smith hasn't gone crazy and punched him in the face yet.

Prediction: Pittsburgh 28, Carolina 6

Saturday, December 25

Dallas (5-9) at Arizona (4-10), Dallas favored by 6 1/2

Another awful game, and this one is completely meaningless. The Cardinals could have beaten Carolina and kept alive their slim chances of winning the NFC West, but they decided to the epic fails that they have always been as a franchise. I think some guy named Skeleton is their quarterback now, so expect a Dallas win, further entrenching Jason Garrett as the permanent coach after the season.

Prediction: Dallas 31, Arizona 14

Sunday, December 26

New England (12-2) at Buffalo (4-10), New England favored by 9

The NFL is not about moral victories but the Bills aren't nearly as bad as their record indicates. If they decide they don't want Ryan Fitzpatrick on their QB, I think the Skins should jump at the chance to get him. The Bills gave New England fits in their first meeting in Foxboro and I think they will do the same at home. The Patriots clinch the AFC East and home-field advantage throughout the playoffs with a win.

Prediction: New England 27, Buffalo 24

New York Jets (10-4) at Chicago (10-4), Chicago favored by 1 1/2

I can't believe the Bears were the first team to clinch a division in the NFL. I still don't buy into them at all and think they will be one and done in the playoffs. The Jets got a much needed win at Pittsburgh last week and I'm sure the foot massage Rex Ryan gave his wife after that win was orgasmic. The Bears still have a first round bye to play for so they will be motivated but I think the Jets are clearly the better team.

Prediction: New York Jets 17, Chicago 14

Baltimore (10-4) at Cleveland (5-9), Baltimore favored by 3 1/2

The Ravens are still battling for the AFC North and can clinch a playoff spot with a win at Cleveland. The Browns have had back to back bad losses but have been a tough team to contend with at home all season. I'll be rooting hard for RB Peyton Hillis to replicate his first effort against the Ravens, which was his coming out party. If he plays well, I will be that much closer to winning my fantasy league championship.

Prediction: Baltimore 20, Cleveland 17

Tennessee (6-8) at Kansas City (9-5), Kansas City favored by 4 1/2

The Chiefs are trying to fight off the fast charging (pun intended) Chargers. The Titans have the slimmest possibly playoff hopes in the history of EVAR. What happened to Randy Moss? Is he alive? What was the point of signing him again if they didn't plan on using him or throwing him the ball? For such a supposed "genius" Titans coach Jeff Fisher makes a lot of dumb decisions.

Prediction: Kansas City 26, Tennessee 14

San Francisco (5-9) at St. Louis (6-8), St. Louis favored by 1 1/2

There is still hope!!! If the Niners can win this game, then beat Arizona at home in Week 17, and have Seattle lose one of their last two games, the 49ers will be hosting a playoff game despite finishing 7-9. It is entirely possible but based on how the season has gone, and how putrid the 49ers have been on the road, it is likely their season comes to an end Sunday. The 49ers are going back to Troy Smith at QB, and the love I used to have for Mike Singletary is a distant memory. Playoffs or no playoffs, he seems overwhelmed as a head coach and the Niners need to fire him as soon as their season ends.

Prediction: San Francisco 17, St. Louis 17 (Too afraid to pick a winner, don't want to jinx)

Detroit (4-10) at Miami (7-7), Miami favored by 3

The Dolphins are 6-1 on the road, and 1-6 at home. Weirdest stat perhaps in the history of football. The Lions ended their 26 game road losing streak last week, but even if they hadn't they definitely would have against Miami. The Dolphins will be looking for a QB once again, as it has become clear that Chad Henne is not the answer.

Prediction: Detroit 19, Miami 13

Washington (5-9) at Jacksonville (8-6), Jacksonville favored by 8

The Jaguars blew their chance at clinching the AFC South last week and now have seen their destiny ripped from their hands. Luckily for them they get to face the imploding Redskins this weekend. Sexy Rexy Grossman played decently, although lets not overblow the fact that he was playing an atrocious Dallas defense. Plus, let's not forget some of the mistakes he made during that game, along with his face, make it hard not to believe that he might be slightly mentally handicapped. If Sexy Rexy struggles expect Rat Mike Shanahan to "see what he has" in draft bust John Beck.

Prediction: Jacksonville 27, Washington 20

San Diego (8-6) at Cincinnati (3-11), San Diego favored by 9

The Chargers may have made their return from the dead a little too late this season. They have two very winnable games left but they need the Chiefs to lose one of their last two. Special teams will be the reason the Chargers don't make the playoffs, because the offense has performed admirably despite being banged up all season. I predict at least one Carson Palmer pick six.

Prediction: San Diego 30, Cincinnati 21

Houston (5-9) at Denver (3-11), Houston favored by 2 1/2

If the Texans lose to Denver, and Gary Kubiak still keeps his job after the season, then Texans fans should give up. I mean, even if they win this game, he has no business being back next year. After a 4-2 start, the Texans are 1-7. There is no way with the talent they have that the Texans should be this bad. Broncos QB Tim Tebow makes his second start. Watching him play quarterback is painful. It was probably like watching me play basketball in middle school. People wanted to root for me because I was a nice guy and tried hard but they knew they were watching something disastrous.

Prediction: Houston 34, Denver 20

Indianapolis (8-6) at Oakland (7-7), Indianapolis favored by 3

I want to pick Oakland in this game but I can't forget how they were manhandled at home by Miami. Plus, their QB is Jason Campbell who continues his mastery of putting up the same pedestrian, not good, not bad, numbers every single week. Picking a Jason Campbell led team over a Peyton Manning led team? No way.

Prediction: Indianapolis 28, Oakland 21

New York Giants (10-4) at Green Bay (8-6), No Line

Packers QB Aaron Rodgers will return in this must win game for the Packers. Both my pre-season Super Bowl picks, the Packers and Colts pretty much have to win out to even make the playoffs. The Giants are coming off one of the greatest collapses in NFL history. That loss will sting for a while but I still expect them to come out ready to play. Rodgers will likely be moved out of the pocket all day by the Giants pass rush, but unlike his backup Matt Flynn he will make plays on the run and get the win for Green Bay.

Prediction: Green Bay 21, New York Giants 19

Seattle (6-8) at Tampa Bay (8-6), Tampa Bay favored by 7

By time this game starts I will either be intently watching the score because the 49ers won or not giving a crap because the 49ers lost. Raheem Morris is a young coach and with that comes mistakes, such as proclaiming your team as the best in the NFC like he did a few months ago. The Bucs have a bright future, especially with QB Josh Freeman, but they are a year away from being true playoff material.

Prediction: Tampa Bay 24, Seattle 20

Minnesota (5-9) at Philadelphia (10-4), No Line

The Eagles can clinch the NFC East with a win. The resolve they showed last weekend at New York was a sight to behold, and it is clear that their offense keeps them in every game, no matter the deficit. If Tom Brady wasn't having such an incredible year, Mike Vick would clearly be the MVP and Comeback Player of the Year. Joe Webb likely gets the start for the Vikings, who have had an incredibly miserable season. Webb, much like Tebow, was difficult to watch play QB. Might be because he was supposed to play wide receiver in the NFL. Never though I'd be longing for Sage Rosencopter.

Prediction: Philadelphia 35, Minnesota 17

Monday, December 27

New Orleans (10-4) at Atlanta (12-2), Atlanta favored by 1

I'm not going to lie, I love to say I told you so. I predicted the Falcons as NFC South champs before the season and they have made me look like a smart man. I knew the Falcons were better than their 9-7 campaign a year ago, and that injuries were what derailed them. They have stayed healthy this season and with the maturation of QB Matt Ryan have become the second best team in the NFL. The Saints have padded their record on cupcakes for most of the year, and are not nearly as good as they were last season. It will be sweet for the Falcons to take the NFC South, dethroning the champions at home, where Matt Ryan pretty much never loses.

Prediction: Atlanta 26, New Orleans 23

Overall Straight Up: 64-51
Overall Against the Spread: 59-54-3